Have you ever attended a class or had a job where they gave end-of-the-year awards to recognize standout behaviors such as Friendliest Person and Most Creative? Did you find it odd that one of the many remarkable categories was Most Quiet?
The activity is intended to bring the group together to share fun and laughter. The leaders invent awards to recognize proud achievements as well as to celebrate the various unique personalities in the room. From serious categories like Hardest Worker to less serious ones like Best Dressed, no one is left out.
And then there is the category no one asked for, Most Quiet, the award invented to point out—or draw out—the quietest person in the group. Usually there are two individuals, and most likely, neither cares about winning that award.
Hardest Worker is a recognition everyone should strive to achieve. Best Dressed may not seem special to some, but to fashion connoisseurs, it is something to be proud of. A quiet person does not dream of the world rewarding them for their quietness. All their lives they are reminded by their peers and even strangers of—what many in this world consider—their unusual behavior.
They may feel they’ve been living life the incorrect way. They may feel a sense of ostracism. Being quiet is nothing to be ashamed of. It is nothing to be proud of either. It is a behavior that is exhibited naturally by many people, therefore, it is a normal and harmless condition. Unfortunately, for some, it can be a symptom of a mental illness.
Recognizing someone as the quietest is the same as recognizing someone as the fattest, the skinniest, or even the smelliest. Although not intentional by the award giver, it stabs at a sensitive nerve that can cause humiliation and/or grief.
Why Do They Make Up These Awards
Award givers just want to provide a fun activity for the group and show in an inventive way that they love and respect their team. But because they most likely are not quiet people, they will not realize the damage to a person’s psyche they may be guilty of inflicting.
Let’s say the award giver is an extrovert. Introversion might be a foreign topic they never had the chance to examine. In their vision, everyone needs to speak up to make it in life.
Their intention may be to use the award to instill confidence and a sense of belonging into the quietest individual in the room. When that person wins the award, they'll see the group congratulating them instead of ridiculing them, which should serve as motivation to become more open and speak up more.
Unfortunately, the game can have a polar effect causing the person to feel more reserved and less willing to talk. They could feel humiliated. They could become angry. In the end, the project for group togetherness will have failed.
Is It Fun?
Some people don’t mind the award. It is fun to laugh at yourself from time to time and not take yourself too seriously. However, others would rather spend the day searching for bugs in their carpets.
Quiet people want to be winners too. They want to be recognized for being amazing people; not that they may have a problem. As I mentioned before, calling a person quiet is on the same level as calling a person fat. And if told repeatedly at a young age, that person may harbor feelings of self-loathing for the rest of their lives.
Why don’t decent people call a friend or a stranger fat, ugly, or stinky? Because it will hurt their feelings. This is the same for some quiet individuals. Everyone is not having fun.
Makes Them Feel Like an Outcast
When someone is told they are different, they may feel alienated from the crowd. Some people believe that calling a person quiet is harmless—nothing negative will come from it. Some are just curious as to why they are that way when everyone, in their minds, should be talking.
Introverts are sensitive people. They don’t normally work well in groups, and small talk is a pet peeve. The last thing in the world they want is to be reminded that they are outcasts.
They know they are quiet. What do you want them to do about it?
Not all introverts are shy. The quiet ones just want to shut the (expletive) up for one minute without being scrutinized. Some introverts prefer to think before they talk. Some just enjoy the tranquility of glorious silence.
If people would remind themselves that everyone in this world is different, we may be able to understand all behaviors better.
How You Should Handle It
If you don’t take your quietness too seriously, you are a hero in the eyes of the reserved ones. If you are sensitive and don’t want to be reminded of your sensitivity, it does not mean you are less of a person. It’s just a reminder that you are human, and humans have feelings. You should be receiving the same level of respect as your peers.
If your teacher or group leader hands out that ballot card and you see a slot for Most Quiet, there are several ways you can handle it:
1. Tell the teacher/leader how you feel
Let them know that although you are not ashamed of it, you don’t feel comfortable being acknowledged for your quietness. The leader will understand, and if you told them after the ballots were handed out, they may create new ballots with Most Quiet erased or replaced with a more respectable honor such as Most Honest.
2. Just go with it
Perhaps it is time to stop stressing over the issue. Although the award is annoying, you can be your own worst enemy if you allow outside forces to poison your well-being. People are always going to pass judgment on others based on their behaviors.
If you know you’re a good person, an opportunity will arrive when you can shine your awesomeness into their faces.
If you are insecure about your quietness, turn the doubt around and embrace it. There are a lot of great perks to being quiet that can make a chatterbox jealous.
3. Don’t accept or acknowledge the award
If for some reason you don’t speak with your leader/teacher or you just don’t want to be reminded for the umpteenth time that you’re quiet, as a last resort, don’t accept the award.
When your name is announced, don’t stand up to receive the certificate, or whatever they give you. Quietly protest as you remain in your seat, or say something like, I will not accept this award on the grounds that it is insulting.
People may talk behind your back and even start giving you the cold shoulder. But ask yourself: what did I do wrong? If all you did was refuse the award and express how it made you feel, then you are not in the wrong. You are simply standing up for yourself in a peaceful manner. If it somehow spoiled the group’s good time, then they’re guilty of exploiting your behavior for their amusement, which is rather cruel.
The way I see it, if the group truly appreciates you, they will not retaliate but will respect you more. They will understand you better and learn to respect your boundaries. Those that retaliate—by giving you the silent treatment, for example—have a lot of growing up to do.
Lastly,
These awards can be fun for thick-skinned individuals, but some quiet people may still be learning to accept their quiet nature. Others are just plain annoyed by the constant reminder.
Imagine if you will: an award for the best Jew, an award for the blackest skin, or an award for the best vitiligo. All are conditions that are not achieved by choice and hard work. What decent person would feel comfortable accepting these awards? The only feelings the person will collect are humiliation, rejection, and dejection.
Think about it.
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